Our last Christmas

Grace was my other half. She knew me so well. And she was always down to get high.

I met Grace back in high school. We sat by each other in chemistry. We always got kicked out for mixing the wrong chemicals on purpose or lighting our cigarettes with the bunsen burner. We decided to drop out together that year and move in with each other. Neither of our parents even noticed that we were gone. They were never in either of our lives. So fuck them, we did not need them. We had each other. And we had dope.

getting high was all we seemed to work for then. I had a job at local drug store stocking shelves. When I was alone I would always grab money out of the register for so I could score that night. Grace never said how she got her money, but I knew she was selling herself. I did not care though. Once we were both home, in our shitty studio apartment, nothing else mattered. The outside world was gone, and I was with the girl I thought I loved. 

It was Christmas night when everything broke. 

We never got each other gifts. We said it was because we did not need to buy our love, but it was really because we had no money for it. Every dollar we made went to buying just enough food to live and heroin. I worked late that night at the drug store. It was 11 when I finally closed the front doors. I was so tired I did not even raid the register for a quick dollar. I just wanted to go home. On my walk home the streets were empty and a heavy snow was falling. I felt alone on that walk. I never felt like this, but there was a hole in my chest on that walk. All I wanted to do was see Grace that night.

When I finally got home Grace was waiting at the front door for me. When I walked in she hugged me and gave me a soft kiss on my cracking lips.

"I have a gift for you!" Grace said.

"What? I thought we promised we don't do the gift giving bullshit," I answered.

"Well its more for both of us!"

She grabbed a small cigar box of the dinning room table. She lifted the lid and there sat to brand new needles filled with heroin. All of a sudden the itch to get high came crawling up my spin. 

"This is something special," Grace said as she picked up a needle to examine it. 

"Reggie says this is the strongest shit we can buy in the states! He swears by it!"

I leaned in and kissed her deeply on her lips. Then we both fell to the floor wrapping our arms. I then felt that lonely feeling again. I felt like I was going to get sick.

"Wait!" I yelled as Grace was grabbing a needle. "Lets go one at a time. Just to be safe, because it is so strong." Grace smiled at me and handed me the needle. 

"You go first then. I will wait until you come down," she said. I smiled at her and sent the needle sinking into my skin. 

Reggie was right. This was the strongest high I had ever been on. I was out for a while. But right when I went under Grace could not wait. She doped herself up right after me. 

I slowly came to. I was laying on my back looking at the ceiling. I waited for the swirling to stop in my eyes and then I sat up. There in front of me laid Grace. White foam bubbling out of her mouth.

"Grace?" I said as I shook her shoulder. "Grace! Grace wake up!" I grabbed her and shook her with all the force I had. "Grace no!" I let her lifeless body fall to the ground as I scooted into a corner. 

I could not look at her. My eyes filled with tears as I hugged my knees. 

"Why did you not wait Grace! Why!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was alone. I had nothing. I loved Grace, but she loved getting high more than she loved me. I knew this now. I got up and ran out of the apartment. I raced up the 6 flights of stairs in the building. I throw the door open to the roof and ran to its ledge.

I stood there, watching my breath in the air. The snow was still falling and it must have been 3 in the morning by now. I stuck my middle finger up to the sky as I yelled, "Fuck you! Fuck all of you!" I stepped back from the ledge and fell to the roof of the building. The cold snow flakes landed on my red face. I was alone. I was so alone. I pulled out my cell phone and called Reggie.

"Reggie? Do you have any more of that stuff? I need to get high."

So it goes...